Divorce

 

FROM: A SMART YOUNG MAN

 

 

DIVORCE AGREEMENT ~

WRITTEN BY YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT...

 

The person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

 

 

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

 

 

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

 

We have stuck together   since the late 1950's for the

sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.

I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

 

 

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

 

 

Here is our separation agreement:

 

 

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly  agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

 

 

--We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them.

 

 

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

 

 

--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

 

 

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and bio-diesel.

 

 

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

 

 

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

 

 

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, hippies, druggies  and illegal aliens.

 

 

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,

greedy CEOs, and rednecks.

 

 

--We'll keep Bill O’Reilly and Bibles, and give you

NBC and Hollywood.

 

 

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and

we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places

that threaten us.

 

 

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

 

 

--When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

 

 

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

 

 

--You are welcome to Radical Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

 

--We'll keep the SUV's,  pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt Tesla and Leaf you can find.

 

 

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find

any practicing doctors.

 

 

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

and "The National Anthem."

 

--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine,"

"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing," "Kumbaya,"

or "We Are the World."

 

 

--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

 

 

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,

our name and our flag.

 

 

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

John J. Wall

 

 

Law Student and an American

 

 

P. S.  Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, George Clooney, Barbara Streisand, and (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you..

 

 

P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English

when you call our country.